Pixiq

Once again the multi-headed monster of “What’s a Good Photo?” and “Is Photography Art?” has raised its ugly head and spread virally to the gentle posts of PIXIQ-land. These BIG “Questions” regularly wander through the infinity of the web, in search of BIG “Answers.” It is a lonely, empty pursuit, much like a Manx chasing its non-existent tail.

However, sometimes a light shines through the bytes to show us the way. Here’s an actual example of one light in the dark, that I ran into the other day on my browser’s home page. (It’s one of the big net portals.)

There, on top of the all the day’s lousy news was a large flashing box that said, “Taking Great Pictures is Easy. Click here!”

“Well, damn it," I thought, “who’d have imagined that after struggling with pictures for over thirty years, today I’d discover that the Answer was just a click away.”

I did “Click Here!”and at Google speed, I was at the site’s home page. It had a big photo --didn’t look at it long enough to determine if it was great or not--of a guy with a camera and a gal sitting on a porch swing. He was young and hip; she was pretty and sweet. Clearly, he was going to take what was sure to be a “Great” photo.

Excitedly I clicked on the next “Click Here” and arrived at the first page of instruction. There in large 36 pt. Calibri font were the words, “Here’s the equipment you’ll need to take Great Pictures!” followed by,

# 1.) a camera

# 2.) a flash (optional)

“Damn it, again” I said to myself as a light bulb exploded in my brain, “of course, I should have thought of that. Great pictures require a camera!”

Trembling, I knew now that I was onto something huge, as Donald Trump would say. Mostly because I actually have FOUR cameras, not to mention THREE flashes (optional). I clicked on the next page and read on breathlessly.

This was the holy of holies THE “Technique” page. There were two photos. “Photo #1” showed the cool photo guy, camera raised to his eye at the ready, and the gal stretching her long bare leg in his direction. Below this was “Photo #2” showing him crouching down in front of the gal at what looked to be her skirt level, although the copy read, “Get down to the person’s eyelevel and take that Great photo.”

 “Zut alors” as one says in my town, as one slaps oneself on the forehead. "Why hadn’t I thought of that?"

It was the reason so few of my pictures turn out Great. I am six foot tall and so I am always shooting down at people, I am not often at a person’s eyelevel. It was "The Answer” I had never sought.

Below the young woman’s derriere was another “Click Here” and when I did that I arrived at a page that was an ad for a school for all sorts of Great things. Scanning the curriculum, I realized that I could “Paint Great Paintings “as easily as t I could “Take Great Pictures.”

The New Yorker writer Adam Gopnick, in his book Paris To The Moon, wrote that “there must exist in the biological sphere a principle, which I will call the Regulon, which prevents this from happening.”

By ‘this’ he meant things like common bacteria that reproduce so fast that if unchecked it could cover the world in slime in a just few weeks. The regulon is anything in the natural world that eats the bacteria or other organisms, keeping their population in check. Then Gopnik adds the warning, “there is no regulon in the semiosphere.” The semiosphere roughly being the world of words, pictures and signs, what we might call the Internet.

What this means is that In the looking glass world of the web, there is no clean up squad, no electronic sharks sweeping up misinformation, burying dead websites or vacuuming up the detritus of the virtual world.

It means that a website like “Taking Great Photographs is Easy” will exist forever, turning up near the top of some future Google 106.92 search list, with its seductive, “Click Here!” and teaching people that all you need to take great pictures is a # 1.) a camera and # 2.) a flash (optional).

Which brings me, by way of a clever segue, to a camera that came with # 2.) a flash(optional.) and that I call the GREATEST CAMERA EVER MADE!!!

The SCHNAPPS-O-FLEX.

What never heard of it? Well, it’s really, really rare but just wait until you read its mouth watering specifications.

The Schnapps-O-Flex is vintage 1960s from the same era as the Yashica-Mat 124. Like the Mat 124 it is a twin lens reflex camera made in Japan with the viewing lens on top and taking lens below it. The body is 100% ceramic and is sturdy enough to withstand the toughest environment and the most dangerous locations.

The camera is on the small side for a TLR, but sits comfortably in one’s hand, weighing only 18 ounces fully loaded. Back in the 1960s it came fresh from Jim Beam fully loaded with 750 ml. of Straight Kentucky Bourbon Whiskey.

There were two models of the Schnapps-O-Flex. The one I own (pictured above) the Model A , came with a shot glass in a film box (shown in the gallery). The box is cheerily embossed with the words, “Conserve Your Liquor.“ For those of us who went to photography school fewer words ring as true. The more advanced and rarer Model B (not shown) did away with the film box and instead had two interchangeable shot glass lenses. Obviously, someone at Jim Beam knew that if you were taking Great Pictures of a gal on a swing, two shot glasses were de rigueur.

The ”Schnappsie “ as it was affectionately known to its aficionados came with a “# 2.) flash (optional).” The flash is detachable and, in fact, must be removed for you to fully appreciate the schnaps. Note that this camera was well ahead of its time incorporating a blue flash bulb in the flash to insure color correct outdoor shots.

Using the Schnapps-O-Flex is as simple as it is easy. When ready to take that great shot, the photographer simply detaches the flash and inverts the bottle over his or her mouth for whatever the exposure time is called fort--1 seconds, 2 seconds or longer. Careful control of the exposure time always results in a great shot.

You do have to be careful with long exposures as you can easily get blurred pictures hand holding the Schnapps-O-Flex. However, lab tests show that blur is well controlled for shots of 5 seconds or less. Remeber too that the Schnapps-O-Flex lacks Optical Stabilization as found in most modern cameras..

This is a camera that let's the photographer creativity free. With the  Schnapps-O-Flex you can take shots in either B/W or color or unique to this camera, both.

That’s why I call my Schnapps-O-Flex the GREATEST CAMERA EVER MADE.

(Wrote that in caps so Google spiders will find this post and get me a top spot in "Search for Great Cameras" although this camera "n'est pas un appariel photo." Oh, the irony....)